The Usual Damned TV Cliché
by Mei Fire
Summary: An anime lover, and anime hater. One whacked up vortex TV, and a messed up adventure! Will they survive the angesty yet humorous story line of FMA? Or will Sarah use her alchemy to destroy random crud? 'Cuz she can do that, you know...R&R!
1. Warped out of Bordom

**Mei Fire: **Yessss, a rewrite! HOW AWSOME IS THAT!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. There. 'Nuff said. I won't repeat this for the rest of the chapters.

**NOTE: **Some of the lines are from the story _'Oh Really?'_, since it's like another story. Insead of Sarah and Kami, it's Brandon and Mike, their brothers. READ IT!

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"Whaaaaat!" A forty five year old mom yelled. She glared at a small ten year old boy, who's yellow eyes fell on the floor, with shame. The angry mom read the purple detention slip again.

**DETENTION SLIP**

_Name of Student: Mike Freemond_

_Conflict: Missuse of project material. Yelling at teacher when spoken to._

_Teacher & Homeroom: Miss Regg E405_

_Detention Date: September 7th, 2006_

"I can't believe this, what exactly did you do during class?" She yelled. Mike was about to answer, but she stopped him. "No video games or TV for two weeks, understand? Now go to your room!" Mike sighed, and he rubbed his blonde haired head. He marched up the stairs glooming all the way, and shut the door lightly.

"Mom, wasn't that a little harsh?" Sarah said. Her sapphire eyes were glued to _Full Metal Alchemist : Volume 9_.

Miss Freemond sighed. "He used a _frog _like a toilet plunger to get a pencil out of the sink's drain," she mumbled.

Sarah pushed back her dirty blonde bangs out of her eyes. "Whatever you say, mom," She said.

"Well, your friend is coming any minute now, you better prepare that DVD you were going to watch with her," Miss Freemond suggested. "I'm going to bed, don't make any racket, alright?" The strict mom walked up the stairs and entered her room. Sarah sighed. _"She acts like she's the family's watchdog..." _She thought.

The door bell gave a soft chime, and Sarah put her book down on the coffe table. "That must be Kami!" She said in delight. She ran up to the front door and opened it to reveal a brunette with dark blue eyes. Her hair was wavy, and she carried a pillow in one arm, a rolled up sleeping bag in another, and a messenger bag slunk at her shoulder. Tne bag was stuffed with all sorts of clothings, even some of the sleeves stuck out.

"Woo! Our first sleep-over during summer break!" Kami said in delight. Sarah nodded in agreement. "Yup. But beware about my watchdog mom, will ya? She's too stingy..." She whispered in Kami's ear. The brunette giggled, and entered the house. Sarah shut and locked the door, and followed Kami. The two girls walked to the living room, and Sarah plopped down on thw while cream couch. Kami dumbed all her stuff on the floor and sat right next to Sarah, whom turned on the TV with the remote that was settled on the coffee table a few minutes ago.

"Please, don't tell me you're gonna watch _that_..." Kami shuttered.

"I dunno, depends on the time!" Sarah grinned. She glanced at her digital watch.

1:00 AM, right on the spot.

"SWEET! Full Metal Alchemist is on!" She quickly smashed the channel number for Cartoon Network, and the opening song, _Rewrite_, was just starting.

"Time to read random books while ignoring the fact that you glue your eyes on a friggen cartoon character!" Kami sneered, She dug up a book from her overly-stuffed bag. She flipped through the pages of _Girls In Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood_.

"I know he's not real, but still!" She glanced at the TV as Ed and Envy were fighting off in the theatre looking area. "I think Ed is cute," Sarah said.

"And short, stubborn, blahblahblah. He's an adult cartoon character..." Kami pointed out. She flipped to another page from the orange colored book.

"Anime!" Sarah yelled. "Whatever..."

Edward was just about to punch Envy right smack in the face, but then the TV went blank in an blink.

Sarah was shocked. "Wh-w-hat happened!" She said out of confusion.

Kami came up to the TV and slammed her fist onto the top, but nothing happened. She checked all the wires at the back.

"All the wires are hooked up...strange..." Kami said. The blonde huffed. "Well, we got a crappy TV here. It's time my mom bought a new one!"

The television flickered a bit, but it went back to pitch black. Sarah started to become belligerent, and tried to punch the TV. "Damn little TV isn't working! I'm gonna miss the anime!" She flailed about. Her mom's voice was heared from above. "I told you not to create any racket!" Sarah shuttered, and yelled back, "Sorry, mom!"

"Well, may as well start talking about random stuff anf eat junk food!" Kami smiled, and Sarah squealed with delight. "Yay, snacks!"

The two girls were about to dash to the kitchen to hoard all of it's junk food, but the television flickered, and started to create a static like sounds.

"Holy crap, the TV lives!" Sarah said, Kami sighed. "Oh boy..."

The TV started to swirl a little more, and more, and created a deadly black colored portal, shaded in poisonous purple.

"Uh, okay, I think the TV hates us now..." Sarah mumbled. It started to pull in the two girls. Before they can even react, it sucked them in, and closed. The television stood blank, but flickered and flickered, until the anime was finally on again.

------------------

"Ow...my head..." Kami mumbled. She rubbed her head, and noticed Sarah knocked out right next to her. Oddly, she had some weird looking clothes on. She had a white trench coat just like Edward's, except the sleeves were pulled up. She had one fingerless white glove on her left hand, and a full white glove on her right with a strange looking alchemy circle on it. She had her silver heart pendant, whom her boyfriend have given to her. Underneath was a blue T-shirt, at the bottom it was trimmed white, and had black jeans.

"Strange..." She mumbled. She obvserved her own clothing. Her's was indeed strange like Sarah's. She had an amethyst colored head band, black fingerless gloves, a black T-shirt with a white star on it, blue cargo pants that had metal rings near the pockets. Kami stared for a minute. "This is too _werid_!"

Then she looked at her surroundings.

Where were they?

In a desert, my friend.

A scorching hot, desert.

Sarah shot up. "FLYING BISCUTS!" She yelled. She looked around, herself, and to Kami. "Wow, what's with the new get-ups we have right now?" She asked. "And where are we?" She added.

"I don't know, but looks like we're gonna find out. Look over their! Travelers!" She pointed out to the distance. There was a gray dot and a red dot. It was hard to see, because of the heat waves blocking their view.

"Let's go!" Kami yelled. She dashed to where the travelers were. Sarah stood for a moment and thought. "TV, Full Metal Alchemist, gettings sucked in, desert..." She thought, but shrugged. "Ah who cares. I just wanna get out of this hell hole! Wait for me, Kami!"

She dashed up ahead, tailing Kami.

Little did they know this was the mark of a new adventure...

* * *

**Mei Fire: **Short, but newly improved. Like, UBERLY! Lots of words...heh. A review would be nice! 


	2. The 'Great' Desert

**Mei Fire: **(insert a random and stupid comment here, 25 cents, please)

Special Thanks to **Shiriko Matsuhisa **and **Kitty29**, for the only ones who reviewed on chapter 1! THANK YOU!

* * *

"This is pathetic, a waste of time, and its sucking the life outta me..." Kami growled. The heat od the desert got onto the two traveling girls, and the sight of the so called 'travelers' were nowhere in sight. They started to head to a random direction, hoping that it'll lead to a town. Unfourtunatlly, it didn't exactly work. "Well, it was your idea to follow those two people!" Sarah yelled. The brunette glared at Sarah. "Shut up!" She shot back. The blonde glared with her deep sapphire orbs. "Make me!" She shot back. "Oh, I will!"

Kami tackled the living crap out of Sarah, who pushed her off and huffed for air. She pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're mental!" Kami just stared in awe out into the distance, which made Sarah pissed off. "Did you hear me? Hello!" Sarah yelled. Kami pointed to where she was staring. "Over there..." Sarah stood next to Kami and took a close look of where she was pointing. She gasped.

"Holy crap! What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Sarah grabbed Kami's hand, and both the girls dashed to the town.

Lior!

------

"You guys aren't street performers or something?" A cafe owner asked. A short alchemist spit out the orange juice out of his mouth and into the cup. "What are you saying, pops?" He glared at the guy with his golden eyes. The owner shook his head. "No no, I mean, I never seen you guys before. On a trip?" He said. The alchemist nodded. "Yeah, we're trying to track something down," He slurrped his beverage as the radio started to make static sounds.

_**"Children who dwell upon the Earth, there is no salvation without prayer and faith..."** _It echoed throughout the neighborhood, and many other radios were turned on. A suit of armor looked at his short brother, who had a weird look on his face.

"A religious broad cast?" The suit echoed. The short boy shrugged.

------

"Whoa, so this is Lior..." Sarah stared in awe. A few people stared at the two girls for a moment, and shrugged, assuming they were just like travelers. Kami spotted something out of the corner of her eye. "Look, a cafe!" She pointed. Sarah looked to where her brunette friend was pointing now, and gasped.

The Elric brothers were there! **THERE!**

"Holy shnap..." Sarah whispered. Kami stared at her. "What? Is there something wrong?" Sarah gripped the collar of the brunette's shirt. "Don't you understand? The Elric brothers are there! **THERE!** Does that mean...we're in the TV show?" Sarah whispered. Kami managed to shrug. "Maybe so. But in the mean while, can you stop yanking on my shirt?" Kami glared. Saah sweatdropped. "Heh heh, whoops," The blonde released her grip.

"Do we have any money to buy drinks? I'm thirsty..." Kami said. Sarah dug in her pockets to look for her birthday money. She caught it and removed it from her pocket. But it wasn't American currency anymore. It looked like...

_"Cens?"_ Sarah thought. She counted it. Seventy cens. So her birthday dollars were converted magically into cens? She shrugged. _"Least we can buy a drink_," She thought. The two walked to the cafe, while Sarah tried to hold in her excitment.

What a hyper fan girl she is.

_"Hyper, excited, is this real? Edward Elric and Alphonse? Holy flippin' turd, it **IS**!" _Sarah kept her excitment contained into thoughts in her mind.

**_"The sun god, Leto, will illuminate thy path..." _**Sarah cringed. _"Cornello..."_ She thought with displeasure.

The brunette sat down at a chair and noticed Sarah's expression. She whispered into the blond's ear, "What the heck is with you?" Sarah shook her off. and mumbled. "Nothing..." Kami stared for aminute and shrugged. "Suit yourself!"

The owner came up to them and asked for their orders. Sarah simply ordered a glass of water while Kami wanted orange juice.

"Are you travelers? You look parched," The owner asked as he poored water into a glass cup. Sarah nodded. "Yup!" Kami shot a glare at Sarah, since they didn't even **know **where they're heading next.

The owner gave the cup of water to Sarah, but before he could even prepare Kami's drink, a certain alchemist stood up. "Well, thanks for the eats. Let's go Al!" Edward Elric said. A suit of armor simply said "Okay," but when he stood up, be bonked his metal head onto the ceiling, and whaddya know? Tne radio was on top, which fell, and **CRASH! **Now it's into smitherens...

"AHHG! Would you be a little more careful, please?" The owner yelled. "Frankly, you shouldn't wear that suit everywhere!"

"Sorry. We'll fix it!" Ed smiled. Al started to scribble a transmutation circle. The owner looked at the shorty in confusion. "You think you can fix it?"

"Just watch," The alchemist reasurred him, but he had doubt. The suit of armor stood up and prepared his hands over the circle. "Here it goes..." **BOOM! **A flash of light swirled about, and smoke cloaked the arean, while bystanders covered their eyes.

"What the heck?" Kami mumbled.

The thick smoke disapeared, and the radio was fully restored, much to everyone's amazment. Edward smirked. "How's that?" He asked.

"Wh-w-wha?" The owner stuttered. **_"Listen to god's teachings..." _**The radio whirred.

"That was amazing! Can you work miracles?" He asked. Ed sweatdropped. "Miracles? We're alchemist. We're known as the Elric brothers!" The alchemist said with pride. Many bystanders started to chat. "The Elric brothers, eh?"

"Hey, I heared of them!"

"Yeah, one of them is called the Full Metal Alchemist!"

All the civilians dashed to Alphonse, leaving Edward a little irritated.

"Wow, so you're the Full Metal!"

"Can I have your autograph?"

Alphonse sighed, and pointed to the short alchemist. All the bystanders sweatdropped. "**_That _**little guy?" BIG MISTAKE! Ed glared and started throwing his usual tandrum. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT THEY CAN'T BE SEEN BY A MAGNIFYING GLASS?" He started spinning two random people by the shirt's collar.

"Ahhh! We didn't say any of that!" The two men pleaded.

Sarah couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my god, that's fricken hilarious!" Kami just stared, raising an eyebrow. _"Wow, that guy needs therapy..."_ The brunette thought to herself as she sipped her drink.

The short blond glared at the two girls, but a teen girl walked into the scene. Her black har was up to her waist, and oddly, had pink bangs. Rose smiled. "Hi! My, you're busy today!"

"Oh, hello Rose!" The owner greeted. Sarah placed the money onto the counter top. "Thanks for the drinks! We're off!" Sarah leaped off her chair, with Kami confused. "Really?" Sarah glared. "Yes! Let's go!" She grabbed the poor brunette's wrist and dashed into the city, leaving the stand.

_"What a weird pair..." _Edward thought.

-----------

"Why the hell did you drag me here?" Kami asked as they stepped down the stairs near a weird looking statue of Leto, weilding a staff. "I wanna see the show, that's all..." Sarah said. "Show?" "Yep, a show!"

As of on que, dozens and dozens of people started to pour in the area, with Kami confused and shocked. Waaaay ahead of the two girls stood a fat, bald man. A little girl came up to him with a dead parrokeet, which the bald priest held his hand over it. A flash of red light, and the bird flickered with life. It fluttered up high, as the little girl squealed with happyness.

"Whoa!" Kami stared in amazment. Sarah glared at her. "He's the villan of this episode, remember?" "Oh, didn't know that," Sarah sighed,"Kami, Kami, Kami..."

A hollow voice was heared near the two. "That must be alchemy," Another familiar voice was heared. Sarah looked at her side to spot Al and Ed, with Ed standing on top of his suit case. Sarah tugged at her hair. "Come on, I got a plan..." She whispered. Kami cringed. "Ow ow ow...okay! Just let me go!"

The two started walking off, and sat on a bench, waiting for sundown.

---------

"Okay, why exactly are we sneaking in?" Kami asked Sarah. Indeed, the two were sneaking into the temple of Leto.

"Look, just follow my lead, alright?"

"Fine, fine..."

They managed to get in without getting spotted by the guards. Sorry, too lazy to add details, heh heh. Anyway...As they dashed in the hallway, one burly looking man stopped them in their tracks. "Hey! You two! What are you little girls doing in **here**?" Sarah growled and started to yell. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A WEAK AND PATHETIC LITTLE GIRL, HUH?" She jumped and did a swift kick onto the poor guy's face, He fainted. Kami sighed. "Great, now there's gonna be an alert, and everyone in here is gonna chase us. Smooth move, Sarah..." "Come on, it's too late to regret!" They ran in the hallway and skidded to a hault at a bronze door.

"Well, time to test my alchemy!" Sarah focused onto the door, and snapped her gloved hand that had a transmutation circle printed on it.

WHOOSH! A mighty and very powerful wind busted open the door, with two girls in shock. "Holy shit, turd, crap, flippin' crud! Did I do that?" Sarah stared in amazment. Kami pointed to Cornello, who was pointing a huge machine gun. "HOLY SHIT, LOOK OUT!" "Eh?" Kami pushed Sarah out of the mental priest's aim, and Kami managed to get back behind the wall in time. 'Rata-tat tat!' the gun went! Inside, Edward transmuted a wall to block the bullets from ever hitting him, Al, and Rose.

Cornello sneered. "I'll send you to god **PERMENANTLY**!" He yelled. He pulled a lever right behind him. Sarah stared for a moment, and dirt and pebbles fell from up top. She looked at the ceiling.

Dynamites!

The ceiling asploded, Al managed to get Rose out, but Ed stood their. Frozen.

In fear. Uh oh...A huge chunk of the ceiling was falling straight for the shorty.

"Ack! You moron!" Sarah snapped her fingers, and a powerful gust of wind blasted from her to the evil rock. The chunk eventually asploded (what? I like that word!) into kabillion harmless pebbles and dirt. Kami just stared in awe. "Geez, this alchemy stuff is crazy!" A huge group of men spotted the two girls near the entrance. "Hey! It's the intruders! Get them!" All of them charged at the girls like vikings invading a town. "Crap! Get in!" Sarah and Kami ran for their pathetic lives inside the room with a mental priest inside.

Not good, my friend.

Ed manage to get out his state of shock and ran towards a wall.

A wall?

"Guys, this way!" He yelled, mainly to Al and Rose, but Sarah and Kami followed anyway.

"Idiot, you're running to a wall!" Cornello yelled at the pipsqueak. Ed just grinned and clapped his hands. "If there's no door," He slammed his hands onto the wall, a glow of light blinded the area, and a steel door appeared right in front of him! "then I'll make one!"

"AHHHG!" Cornello yelled in frustration. Al, Rose, Sarah, and Kami dashed for their lives through the door, with Ed in the lead. Cornello yelled at his idiotic henchmen. "You fools! Get them! GET THEM!" The men stuttered, and chased after the group. "Damn it, this is **_your _**fault!" Kami yelled at Sarah. The blond shot a glare at the brunette. "**_My _**fault? Come on, I bet you enjoyed the action!" Kami sighed and shook her head. "I'll never understand you, Sarah," "Yeah yeah, you're my best friend too."

A group of men weilding spears stopped the group from their tracks. "You little runts, you think you can beat us empty handed?" One of them snickered. "May as well give up before you get hurt..."

"I'M NOT A PATHETIC LITTLE GIRL THAT CAN'T DEFEND HERSELF FROM YOU MORONS!" Sarah threw a tandrum at the men, and kicked one of them flat in the face. Edward, on the other hand smiled. With a hint of evil, I may add. He clapped his hands and transmuted his automail into a deadly looking blade.

Wow, their so mental, even I'm scared of my own character...

* * *

Sorry I have to end it here. I lost my inspiration due to a little brother of mine. (coughannoyingcough) 


	3. A Lovely Day to Kick Ass

**Mei Fire: **And now for another chapter...time to starve to death.

**Can anyone tell me how to use spell check? I forgot how to from typing class...**

* * *

Continuing off where we left off, Sarah was currently beating the living daylight out of only one man, while Edward was taking on a bunch of men. What a beautiful day, eh?

Sarah finished beating up the dude and shot a glare at the guy, who was now unconcious. "Do _not _call me a weak little girl, bastard!" The guy didn't respond though, for the life was taken out from a very angry and insulted girl. The Full Metal Alchemist just finished off the rest of the men, and the four continued their marathon for their lives, with Al in the lead, holding Rose bridal style...or however you call it, beats me!

Oh yeah, I forgot that Rose was left behind...crud. Ah well.

"Hey! Stop right there!" A man with a spear held his hand up, trying to get Al to hault. But did that stop him? Nope, not at all! The armor knocked the crud out of him with one kick in the face. "S'cuse me!" The armor said. The man fainted, and managed to whimper abut how his life was unfair.

The four continued to run and run...wait...How the heck do they run that far? Anyway, they managed to get out of the hell hole alive. The full moon was shining in the thick darkness of Lior. Sarah smiled. _"What a beautiful moon!" _Kami started throwing a tandrum at the blond gal in day dream land. "Why the hell did we do that! Couldn't we just stayed out of the temple? **Did you want to get us killed**?" Kami finished and growled. Sarah sighed and tugged the poor brunette's long hair until Kami's ear was in range of Sarah's mouth. "If we didn't go in, the plot would've been a total bust. And what if that happened? We might have no way to get back home!" Sarah whispered, with a hint of I'm-threatening-you-so-you-don't-ask-me-retarded-questions-again in her whispers.

Ed and Al just stared at the two girls bickering in their whispers when the speakers all over Lior gave out a loud screech, much to the four's displeasure.

**_"Four childeren tried to take the life of Father Cornello," _**It whirred. Sarah scoffed, but it continued. **_"Two boys, short with blond hair, and one in a suit of armor. Two girls, one with dark blond hair and a brown haired girl. We caution you to take shelter indoors. Thank you," _**Sarah yelled back at the speaker. "It's **_dirty _**blond, morons! GET IT RIGHT!"

A not-so-friendly looking mob started to surround the 'wanted' group, with many weapons at their disposal. Pots, pans, pitch forks...Hey, where did they get those?

A fat man in a green shirt spoke first. "Hey! It's the short boy, suit of armor, and the two girls!"

Yet again, BIG MISTAKE! Ed ran up to him and started to yell right in his face.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SHORT THAT YOU CAN STEP ON SO EASILY?"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID, MORON!" The man yelled back.

"I can't believe you! Trying to take the life of our father!" A middle-aged woman yelled. Another woman yelled, and it sounded like she was waaay behind the mob. "Yeah! We gave you food and shelter, and you do **_this_**?" Sarah grumbled. "Wow, these guys are too blinded for their own good..." Kam just blinked at the mob in shocked. "We're wanted? Crappus..."

"Look, this guy is tricking you with alchemy---" Edward yelled, but was interuptted by Rose. "It's not true!" Everyone turned to see Rose clutching on her white dress. "Just now...I spoke to my boyfriend..." The crowed gasped.

"You mean old Kain?"

"Wow, I can't believe it!"

"I really did like that guy!"

"Way to go, Rose!"

Rose smiled as the crowed cheered, but Edward interupted, yet again. "I'm telling you, it's alchemy!"

The mob glared and a woman yelled. "Get them!" But before the mob could unleash a full assault by whacking them silly with pots and pans, statues of Leto started to move...on their own! Everyone stared in awe as a few statues surrounded the refugees. "Wow! It must be Cornello's work!" Someone said in awe. Sarah stiffened. The statues were gonna whack them unconcious, and it wasn't gonna be a sissy slap, either. Kami backed away. "Holy shit!" Three statues started whacking Al silly with their stone staffs, and the suit of armor got dents all over him.

But it looked like...he was playing...dead?

No...It couldn't be...

_"They'd have to hit his blood seal to kill him!"_ Sarah thought. The poor girl was in deep thought that a statue whacked her in the back of the head. Hard.

Owie...

Eventually, Kami was knocked out too, with only Ed standing. "Al!" He yelled, but another stupid statue knocked him out as well.

-------------

Sarah gave out a yawn. "Man, what a weird ass dream..." She mumbled. A voice right next to her mumbled, but loud enough for Sarah to hear. "I wish this was a dream..." Sarah yelped and tried to back away, but her hands were chained and raised up a bit. Sarah growled. "What the frig?" "Frig it is..." Kami said.

"Hey, is Ed in here?" Sarah asked. Kami shook her head. "If you're talking about the guy with the weird metal arm, he was taken to another room," "Ah...okay..."

The two remained silent, looking around, obviously, it wasn't comfortable sitting flat on your butt in a stone jail cell.

The front door rattled, and opened, revealing Rose holding two trays, glaring at the two as she placed a tray in front of Kami. The brunette sweatdropped. _"How am I gonna eat?" _She thought. As Rose placed the plain metal food tray in front of Sarah, Rose heared a faint whisper from the blond.

"_Sorry_..."

Shocked by this, Rose looked at the girl with confusion, but Sarah's head layed low. The Lior civilian sighed and walked out of the cell, shutting the metal door tightly.

Sarah lifted her head, smiling at Kami, "Well, wasn't that peachy?"

"You're always weird like that, you know?"

"Aw, thanks!"

"Shut up..."

A long silence.

A cricket chirrped.

Wow, this was obviously boring...

A faint 'rat-a-tat' was heared in the left room, giving Sarah and Kami a confused look. "What the hell was that?" The brunette said. "Er, I think that's Cornello with his machine gun..." "WHAT?" The machine stopped creating a racket. _"Ed must of cut the machine gun in half,"_ Sarah thought. Kami turned her friend. "What the heck is going on?" "Well, Cornello must of let his secret out, because Edward had a microphone behind his back, and Al is outside, broadcasting it from transmuting some wires and a huge bell together, creating a speaker," Sarah took a deep breath," And now, the whole town know's about Cornello being a fraud!"

Kami stared in awe. "Sounds crazy, but oh well. Like I said, this alchemy stuff is crazy!" Sarah nodded. "Indeed it is."

The metal door started to glow, and dissapeared, with Edward Elric in view! His automail was still transmutated into a blade, and almost half of his outfit was rip. What a bummer...

"Oh gee, someone decides to come visit us!" Sarah smiled sarcasticlly. Ed growled but came up to them and cut the chains off with his blade. (Is that how weak the chains are?).

After freeing the girls, er...sorry. Loss of details there...eh heh...The three escaped the hell hole. Once up front, Cornello was in view, stiffened and shocked.

All of Lior was glaring at him, with many household weapons at their disposal.

* * *

HA! I ended it here. Sorry it's short. Ah hahaha..eh... 


	4. Lisa the Skeptical and the Fake Stone

_**Lisa the Skeptical: The Fake Stone**_

"Look! There he is!"

"Tell us the truth!"

"Liar!"

Cornello backed away a bit from the mob. Several of his followers tried their best to barricade the angry people that are about to whack the priest silly with househeld objects. One of the followers looked behind him and asked the fake priest, "Cornello, I don't understand. What's with the broadcast?" Cornello stiffened a bit, but smiled evilly and looked at the belligerent towns people. "My childeren," the prophet began, "It was the work of the heathens, faking my voice, and to believing I'm a liar!" Cornello lifted his hand with the Philosipher ring on it. "Behold god's true power!"

A flash fo red light emitted from the stone, and several dull statues of Leto started to rumbled and took small steps from behind the crowds. All of the people looked at it, aghast.

"Whoa! Look at that!"

"That **_has _**to be a miracle!"

"Amazing!"

All of the people stared in awe as the statues headed their way towards Cornello. "When are you gonna keep the act, Cornello?" A voice was heared. Cornello turned around to see Edward glaring at the prophet. Cornello grinned and responded, "As long as I have the Philosipher's Stone, they'll keep believing me! What else can **_you _**do?" The baldy sneered. The Full Metal Alchemist grinned and clapped his hands. "Glad you asked," He slammed his hands onto the solid ground, blue eletric-like streaks headed their way towards the temple. A huge echo was heared.

The huge statue of Leto's head busted through the roof, and the rest of the statue simply walked towards Cornello, who was completly shocked and scared, staring at the gigantic statue.

_**"Feel the real hammer of God!" **_

One swift punch from the statues fist. It slammed right smack dab in front of Cornello, who fell to the floor in defeat. He backed away and tried to run. "No! I'll never let you have the stone! NEVER!"

* * *

"What's the point of this, anyway?" A pre-teen girl with jet black hair grumbled. A detective and a police man were standing near Sarah's TV, which was still on, completing a re-run of an episode of _Full Metal Alchemist_. The same girl glared at the men with her black eyes. "Well? Why is it still on, playing these stupid episodes!" She yelled, The police man tried to settle the girl down. "Miss Yamana, please relax. We're trying our best to figure this out!" The officer said in defence.

The girl growled in responce and pivoted away, looking away from the men, crossing her arms. _"It's not **Miss** Yamana...It's just Lisa, for Pete's sake!" _Lisa thought in her head. She adjusted her eye glasses, sighed, and turned around. "Please, don't call me Miss Yamana, just Lisa!" She plastered a fake smile on her face, but it faded and turned to a frown. She looked at the TV.

**_"It's recoiling!" _**The young alchemist's voice echoed in the living room.

"So, the TV is still running, and apparently, Sarah Freemond and Kami Waltwell somehow got transported in it, with no signs of evidence that it actually happened, besides the eye witness you have?" She explained to the two. The detective nodded in agreement.

_**"Argh, my arm!"**_

"Alright," Lisa Yamana said in a relaxing tone. "bring in the eye witness!"

----

"Are you serious?" Mike stared in awe at Lisa. "They let _twelve year olds _in the detective agency? Wow!" The ten year old said. Lisa sat across the wooden table, with Mike on the opposite side. Lisa smiled. "Yes, apparently, they do. But I digress..." She looked at Mike, acting serious now. "Now tell me, what did you see during the night of October seventh, two-thousand and six at eight fifty-two PM?" She folded her arms. Mike scrunched his face trying to think.

"Well, I wanted to ditch the whole grounded thing," Mike said, trying to act cool. "But when I was about to go downstairs to get a soda, I saw a shiny light!" Mike covered his eyes. "It made my eyes hurt!" Lisa stared at him weirdly. "Go on..."

"It was so shiny, so I got my shades out, and went downstairs to see where it came from!" Mike started to act all dramatic. "Then I saw my big sis and her friend get sucked into the TV. I couldn't do anything! I only gripped on the hand rail..." The boy slunked in his seat. "I couldn't do anything..."

Lisa smiled and tried to encourage the boy. "Don't worry. We'll try our best to get your sister back," She stood up. "You're dismissed," She was about to walk away from the room, but Mike stopped her. "Wait!" Lisa glanced at the boy. "Ya think I can be a detective someday?" Lisa stared for a minute, but smiled. "Sure, in fact, I think you'll be a great one someday!"

---

Lisa stared at the TV once more. The episode was still rolling. She sighed.

"This just gets unreal to a sci-fi rip-off..." Lisa was about to walk away, but something caught her attention.

_**"Can we? Pleeeaaase?"**_

She couldn't believe it. It was true.

Blonde hair, blue eyes.

And another grl, brown hair, sapphire eyes...

Lisa Yamana didn't waste anytime. She whipped out her Razr cell phone and called the detective agency.

"Yes sir, I think we got a solid lead on what really happened here."

* * *

**NOTE ONE: **_The date Lisa said to Mike is real. It's when I published the story ;)_

**NOTE TWO: **_The point of views will keep moving until at one chapter, but I'm not telling!_

**NOTE THREE: **_Lisa Yamana will play a major role in this story. Don't think she's a mary-sue of an OC!_

**FINAL NOTE: **_REVIEW!_


	5. The Adventure Begins?

**Mei Fire: **I added more OCs, but their more just like spectators.

**NOTE ONE: **I have figured out that some people aren't reviewing! Reviews keep this story alive! (Thanks for Shiriko Matsuhisa and Kitty29 for the peeps who reviewed so far! )

**NOTE TWO: **During the lack of free time, I won't be updating that often, but I'll do my best to!

**Disclaimer: **I'M WRITING THIS JUST ONCE FOR ANOTHER THING, NOT FMA! I don't own the story The _Artemis Fowl Files_. It was rightfully made by...er...(looks at text) Eoin Colfer...I think. And several other stuff that I shall not even bother listing.

* * *

"Hmmm, too bad the Elric brothers refused to let us tag along!" Sarah said, cheery as always, but she ended up sighing and frowning. "Now everything is gonna be boring!" The two girls ended up in a cab, in the middle of a desert, droven by some random dude, and magically finding some belongings that got sucked in the process during hat night of the sleep-over. 

Kami tugged out a book from the bag she found and squealed with delight, making the driver raise an eyebrow in the process. "You gals okay there?" Sarah hesitated, responding, "Yeah! Just fine!" The blond shot a glare at Kami, who was scanning her sapphire eyes in the black book with odd light green circles and lines on it. In fancy white letters trimmed with green hi-lights read _The Artemis Fowl Files : The Ultimate Guide to the Best Selling Series_.

"Get over with squealing like a seven year old who just got a new toy from Toys R' Us!" Sarah sneered at Kami. Whispered, but deadly sounding. Kami glared back at her friend and whispered, "Says you! You sqeual like a little fangirl that just poked the Full Metal Alchemist!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not _that _fangirly! I got interests in real boys!" Sarah dreamly sighed. "Like Brandon..."

Kami scoffed. "You mean my brother? He's a dolt! A complete, jerk-off of a brother!"

"I understand that, considering he **_is _**your brother, and brother's can be such a pain!"

"Ditto here..."

Kami flipped a few pages and laughed at some lines. She closed the book and stuffed it in her, erm, overly stuffed bag.

Sarah, on the other hand, only had a black messenger bag, printed _Angel _on the front. Not a lot of things were in there, considering that she didn't even use it for months...

The driver looked at his overhead window. "You girls okay there?"

Sarah growled, but managed to mumble 'Okay'.

-----

Lisa Yamana was not in the greatest moods in her life.

She rubbed her temples and growled. Using the coffee table as a desk, the only thing the young detective could do was watch the show and record.

And why was she angry?

She had to watch. _Watch_, one of the shows he hated the most.

**Full Metal Alchemist**

Sure, it was full of action, but she didn't enjoy television.

To tell you the truth, she thought it wasted her time.

"Relax Lisa, this is the only way to find out if the girls are really okay..." The girl whispered to herself. She paused for a minute and slammed her head on the table. "But it's futile...I don't even know if it's true or not...Damn the Boss, making me monitor the TV..."

Ms. Freemond stepped down the stairs and noticed the worn out pre-teen. "Would you like to sleep on the couch? I Can prepare a pillow and blanket, and it's cold in here. I'll prepare some hot chocolate and dinner!" The watchdog mother dashed into the kitchen, preparing dinner and the hot chocolate.

"That would be nice..." Lisa mumbled. She jotted down her observations from the show so far.

_File Entry : 10-20-06_

_Kami Waltwell : Currently reading 'The Artemis Fowl Files' at October 20th, 2006 at 6:35 PM._

_Sarah Freemond : Currently arguing about how Kami's squealing is related to a young child's squeal when it gets a new toy at Toys R' Us and how she is actually interested in real boys. October 20th, 2006 at 6:36 PM_

_No signs of dangerous activities . No assults launched on the two girls. Everything A O.K._

_I think my job sucks so far..._

Lisa stopped at the last sentence, and scribbled it all over with blue ink from her sapphire pen.

-----

"So...This is Central..." Kami stared in awe. The bustling city was indeed a sight. People here and there, running around, shooting insults at one another like 'Step aside, moron!'; 'Make way!' 'Stop blocking my way, retard!'

Indeed, a bustling city it was.

"Well, now that we're here..." Sarah tried to act dramatic by lifting her fist in the air, but her hand drooped down. "I have no clue what we do next..."

-----

"So...it is true!" Brandon Waltwell stared at the TV in awe with his emerald eyes.

_**"I have no clue what we do next..."**_

"Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear, what if my precious daughter gets hurt? Or worse!" Ms. Waltwell panicked. The father tried his best to calm the over-protective mother, but the young daughter of the Waltwell family ruined it all. "I think big sister is gonna get killed. After all, that show _is _violent," The seven year old brunette said innocently as possible. The father glared at the girl. "Honestly, why does your sister let you watch these shows? Explain yourself, Jane!"

Jane smiled, trying to get her parents to endear her. "She doesn't say a thing. When Sarah comes over, she usually watches the Full Metal Alchermiss..alche...al...never mind. I just watch it with her, daddy!"

Ms.Waltwell was bawling in her sobs. "Oh, what will I do as a mother?"

Brandon ignored all the fiasco. Right now, he was thinking. Those words. _Those words _that Sarah said.

_**"Hey, I'm not that fangirly! I got interest in real boys! Like Brandon..."**_

He thought blushing, but he started to frown and growl at his sister'swords.

_**"You mean my brother? He's a dolt! A complete, jerk-off of a brother!"**_

_"Kami, you are gonna get it once you get back home..." _He thought, clenching his fist.

Oh how he hated his sibling...

-----

"So where do we start off?"

"I guess we shoudl walk around..."

"What about that big building?"

"That's the Eastern HQ, you dolt!"

"Oh..."

"Well then..." Sarah secured her bag and pointed towards the HQ. "Onward we go!"

-----

"I can't believe it! That bitch! I can't believe she's gonna flirt with my Edward Elric!" A blond haired gal clenched her teeth and fist. Her brown eyes flared with anger. A girl next to her, who was apparently watching the show with her devil-of-a-friend, nervously tried to relax Casey Fishermen.

"Casey, I'm sure she's not gonna do that..." The black haired girl said. Her black eyes stared off at the TV.

_**"That's the Easter HQ, you dolt!"**_

Casey growled even darker and deeper by the second. "Lia Chaser, when those two return, I wanna scratch Sarah's pretty face to shreds!"

Lia sighed in defeat. _"Why do I even bother?"_ She thought.

_**"Well then, onward we go!"**_

-------------------------------

I think I need an editor :P


	6. Don't Rain On My Parade!

**Mei Fire: **I'm updating like mad, aren't I? PLUS THERE SHALL BE NO ROMANCE! Just some fluff here and there...

* * *

_**Chapter Six**_

"And **_this _**just had to be her opportunity to ditch me!" Kami growled. Rain started to pour down on Eastern Central, making the brunette even more pissed off. "How the hell am I gonna find the HQ?" She yelled to the sky. She paused for a minute and added on to that sentence. "Damn you, stupid mother nature!" She raised her fist in the air. Kami sighed. "It's no use, I'll just find the biggest building in this town...Sarah said it must be the HQ..."

This was not Kami Waltwell's day.

But it is for Sarah's!

Or so to speak...

--

"Oh my God, I can't believe that was too easy!" Sarah chuckled to herself. She happily walked the streets of the city, looking for the huge HQ. The blond took a sharp turn form a bakery to see a large building form it's left side, with the President's crest!

"And lookie here," Sarah snickered. Her eyes layed on the Elric brothers.

Target sighted. Time to annoy!

She casually walked towards the HQ, pretending to 'accidentally' bump into them. But she caught something with her deep blue eyes. A suit of armor slowly walked away from his ranting short brother. Alphonse sneeled down near an alleyway. _"Must be a kitten..."_ The female thought. She continued walking on course and stopped at the side of Ed. Sarah gave a goofy smile and said:

"Wassup shorty? Long time no see!"

Ed quickly gave an evil galre and started to yell his vocal cords out. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SMALL THAT HE'LL DROWN IN A DROP OF RAIN?"

Great.

She just _had_ to say that.

Sarah held up her hands in defence. "Now hold on--" But too late. Due to maximum frustration, Ed bonked Sarah on top of the head.

_Hard_.

And Alphonse just had to see it.

And Kami! Kami quickly blinked and saw the blond female fall on the floor, now with swirly dazed eyes.

"HOLY SHIT! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Brother!"

"Can I have banana cream pie with salt please?" Sarah mumbled.

Edward snapped back to reality and saw the female blond, mumbling about pie and salt. "Oh shit," He cursed to himself.

---

Lisa Yamana had her eyes wide open.

"Holy shit..." The young detective mumbled. The mother of Sarah Freemond could only bawl in her hysteric yells.

"That young mister better not do that to my daughter again! Oh, if I saw that brat, I'll give him a good lecture!"

Mike, however, was enjoying the whole thing. And luckly for him, Ms. Freemond was too busy yelling about how Edward Elric is a complete pest, that **_he _**won't get lectured for enjoying her own sister's pain. "Whoa! That was AWSOME! Man, I wanted to take a picture of that! Wow!"

Lisa quickly jotted down on her paper.

_Sunday, October 22, 2006. 8:09PM_

_HOSTILE ACTIVITY. Sarah Freemond injured on top of head due to insulting Eward Elric, calling him 'Short'._

_Kami Waltwell is currently yelling at Edward Elric for his violent reactions._

_Let's just hope those two won't get way over their heads..._

---

"Whoa!" The brother of Kami Waltwell stared in awe at the whole scene on TV.

"Oh my! My daughter! _My _daughter is swearing! Swearing!" The mother said in complete and utter shock.

"Wow! Too bad daddy isn't here to see this!" The young daughter of the Waltwells said.

_**"Why the fuck did you do that? ANSWER ME, YOU SHORT RETARD!"**_

_**"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SHORT THAT THEY'LL DROWN IN A CUP OF WATER?"**_

_**"YOU, YOU JACKASS!"**_

_**"Brother!"**_

---

"Ha, that bitch desereved it!" Casey snickered at the whole scene. She grinned with malicious eager, while Lia Chaser stared in shock. "Who knew Kami could swear that much? She never does!"

---

"We need to carry her inside!" Alphonse insisted. "She might catch a cold."

Kami nodded in agreement, froze, then pointed at Ed. "He's carrying her!"

"WHAT?"

"You heared me, it was your fault anyway!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"MAKE ME!" Yelled the short alchemist. Kami grabbed the collar of Ed's shirt, glared at him straight in the eye, and said in a deadly low voice, "If ou don't help my friend here, I swear, you won't even see the light of day here and now," Ed, who was currently in no position to argue (Because I bet he can't fight girls. HA!) mumbled a 'fine'. She released her death grip, and if you were there, you could've sworn Ed yelped.

"Okay, come one, we better get in," Ed slowly picked up Sarah bridal style (Much to his displeasure, of course), Al giving a sift chuckle while he was leading the way. Kami was currently shooting death glares, giving signals like: "If you drop her, I'll kill you, understand?"

---

"NO WAY!" Casey yelled at the TV. Lia tried her best to stop the angry fangirl form busting her own TV. Lia Chaser struggled as she held on. "Casey, please! I don't think that'll solve the problem!" Casey ignored her advice and continued to struggle. "That, that, that slut! **I**should've been there! **I**should be carried by my hero! Grr, the nerve of Sarah!"

---

"Ew, adult themed!" Mike hide behind the couch, afraid of the slight hint of fluff from the show. The mom, however, was still going belligerent except on a different subjet. "That boy better not do any harm to my daughter!"

Lisa stared at the TV in interest. "Hmmm...wonder what's gonna happen betwen the two..."

---

Brandon had a funny feeling.

"I got this funny feeling when Ed picked up Sarah," Brandon looked at the TV,"Especially in _that _position!"

Jane gave an evil stare. "Ooo, does big brother envious of Eddie?" Brandon shot a glare at the young sister. "Stop rubbing it in!" But the girl wouldn't stop and she skipped happilly around the living room. "Brandon and Sarah sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love--"

"ARGH! I'm gonna get you!" And with that, Brandon gave chase of her evil sister for rubbing it in.

"Haha, afraid of the truth now, aren't we?"

"Shut up!"

"Kids, please stop!"

---

"Ahhh...where am I? Am I dead?" Sarah mumbled as she rubbed her head. A familiar brunette's voice was heared. "Glad you came through. Thought you'd stay sleeping for the whole day," Kami said. She sat on a chair, cross armed, staring at Sarah. The blond sat up and looked around. Tere were two sets of bunkbeds, and she was sleeping on the bottom one.

"Are we in a bunker room?" Sarah blinked in curiosity.

Kami nodded. "Yup. That shorty carried you all the way here," She said in an as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh oka--Wait, Ed carried me here?" Sarah said in shock. Kami nodded. The blond sat forzen for a second.

"Ewwww, I was carried by a short person who travels around the world, and doesn't shower? GROSS!"

Kami dropped to the ground. _"I thought she'd do a fangirly squeal..."_

Sarah perked up for a minute. "But on the other hand, I was carried by the boy of my dreams!" She sighed dreamily. Kami stood up and stared at her, as if Sarah lived in a nut house. "What are you, the queen of mood swings?" "Yup!" "I'll never understand you..." "I know, you're my best friend too, Kami! Now..." Sarah got out of her bed and smiled. "Let's look around, shall we?"

"Oh boy..."

* * *

**Mei Fire: **NO.ROMANCE.AT.AAAALLLLL. Yeesh, it's just a fangirly moment here, people!

**Sarah: **Man, I hate that part when I had to pretend to faint!

**Kami: **(snickers)

**Mei Fire: **STAY TUNED!


	7. Sneaky Snooping

**Mei Fire: **Yeah, I updated! Go me! (dances)

**TITLE CHANGE: **Uh, yeah...HUZZAH!

**NOTE: **The quote 'Fine, be that way, see if YOU care if I die' was made by my friend! Also, I didn't really no how to spell the fat man's guy who got killed near the red water. Mugiar? Lugiar? WHATEVER! It was in Xenotine.

* * *

_**Chapter Seven**_

"Are we even _allowed_ to do this?" Kami whispered as the duo sneaked from corner to corner, hallway to hallway, and eventually, door to door to see if they can find anything good to listen into.

"Ah, don't worry! Ed still owes me for hitting me on the head!" Sarah smiled. She rubbed her head and sighed. "My head still hurts though..." Kami frowned. "Then let's head back!" "No way! I wanna listen to something! Come on, it might me neat!" "Well fine, be that way. See if you care if I die!" "Of course I will! Now come on!" The two girls snuck in front of a common brown door. Silently and gently, Sarah laid her head on the door, ear first. A few seconds later, she signaled Kami to come over.

"What's going on?" Kami lipped. Sarah lipped back,"It's an important conversation with Ed in it," Kami made a confused looking face. Sarah thought _"She probablly didn't understand me..."_ "Just get here!" The blond sneered silently. Kami shuttered and crept up to the door, copying Sarah's position.

_"I see you caused a lot of havoc around lately," _A male voice was heared. Kami raised an eyebrow, unsure of the voice, but kept listening.

_"Oh really?" _A sarcastic voice was also heard. _"Must be the shorty!" _Kami thought.

_"A man named Lugiar was killed from a mansion collapse. That wouldn't hapen to be you, right Full Metal?"_

_"Hmmm, I don't know what you're talking about," _Ed replied sarcasticly yet again. Kami was even more confused. _"Full Metal?"_

_"And..." _The mysterious voice continued, _"I heared Phsiren was a real beauty under the mask, wasn't she, Edward?"_

Now Kami was totally confused. She turned to Sarah and mouthed some words. "Phsiren? Full Metal? Lugiar? I'm confused!" Sarah studied Kami's mouth movement for a bit, then replied. "They're some characters from some episodes. Tell ya later."

A scowl was heard from Ed. _"Okay, I get your point. You know my every movement..."_

Sarah's ears perked up as she heared some foot steps march nearby. _"Crap!" _She thought. She quickly looked at Kami and whispered.

"Run!"

"Gotcha!" The brunette whispered back.

The two dashed away unseen from the door. Upon the turn of the hallway near the door was the Iron Blood Alchemist and his men, with a mean face on his face that reads 'Mess with me and I'll screw your face up!'

No seriously, that's what I always see when I look at his face. And his face ain't pretty...

------

"Okay, can you please explain to me what happened?" Kami said in frustration in their dorm room. Sarah held up her hand in defence,"Hey, hey! Lemme explain, okay?" Kami relaxed, and Sarah sighed in relief. "Okay, Lugiar is some guy that tricked these two boys, Russel and Fletcher, into making a red stone, a fake version of the Philosipher's stone, just like Cornello's. Phsiren is a phantom theif of a city that Ed had to catch!" Sarah said.

Kami frowned. "But that doesn't explain why Ed got all grumpy when that guy said the name Phsiren. Who is that guy, anyway?"

"That guy is Roy Mustang, Ed's superior. And the reason why Ed scowled is because he was in...ah...ahem...A not so pretty position with Phsiren..." Sarah said. "Makes me jealeous!"

Kami ignored the last comment. "Oh, that explains everything..."

-----

Out in the hallway, a suit of armor was in a state of shock.

"How...do they know...?" Alphonse whispered to himself. He shook his tin can head. "I'm getting way over my head. I'll just forget this and stop by brother...yeah..."

And with that, Alphonse ran away from the door as fast as he could.

------

"Hey, did you hear that, Sarah?"

"Hear what?"

"I heard metal footsteps...never mind. Can we please just get out of here?"

"Fine, spoil the fun for all I care!"

------

The young detective started to get worried.

_"If those two reval their secret about being in another world, who knows what will happen?" _Lisa sighed. _"It's like I'm depending that Elric boy to guard those two idiots lives..."_

-----

_"Should I tell him?" _Alphonse thought. Edward was scowling on about how Mustang was a 'bastard' and a 'pain in the ass'.

_"Maybe I shouldn't in his current mood..."_

------

"Maybe Ed and Roy will have the assesment?" Sarah said to herself as the two walked in the hallways. Amazingly, no one was here to guard.

"Assesment?"

"Ah, never mind. Let's check out this library, shall we?" Sarah pointed to a brown door. In bold, golden letters read 'LIBRARY'. Well THAT was blantly obvious...

"Ed and Al are bound to be in here. We probablly gotta tell them that we're leaving," Sarah said.

"Leave? I thought you wanted to stay here!"

"Well, I thought _you _wanted to get out of here A.S.A.P!" Sarah shot back. Kami scowled, "Well...I'm beginning to like this adult cartoon..."

"ANIME, wait, HUH?"

"Never mind, let's just go!"

The two girls opened the door and entered the mini library of the HQ. Inside, a certain shorty said. "I want to make an assesment!" Maes Hughs' eyeglasses dropped a bit. "Eh?" A familiar suit of armor moved a bit to see Sarah and Kami. "Oh, uh, hi!" Alphonse stuttered.

After listening in into the two girls' conversation, it made him nervous?

"Assesment? Ooo, is that like a party?" Sarah asked gleefully. The chibi alchemist stared at Sarah. "Oh crap..." Sarah looked at the shorty. "That's right, Ed. YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR KNOCKING ME DOWN LIKE I WAS A LITTLE WIMPY GIRL!" Kami tried to hold back Sarah, who was currently flailing her arms out. "You idiot! RELAX FOR ONCE, YOU MORON!" Maes coughed and looked at Ed. "Friends of yours?" "No, I just met them..." Sarah stopped and glared at Edward. "Just met? I saved your friggen ass out there from the hurling boulder! And you call that just a meeting..." The girl scoffed. Kami relaxed as she let go of the belligerent blond. "Phew...I may as call you B.B. for now on..."

"B.B?"

"Belligerent Blonde,"

"Cool nickname, but nah!" Sarah turned to Edward yet again. She smiled. "So whaddya saaay?" Ed gave her a weird look. "Say what?" "Don't give me that dumb look! I just said I saved your sorry butt at Lior!"

----

**Mei Fire: **Oh no's! How will Ed and Al repay Sarah and Kami for saving them in Lior? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!


	8. I Wanna Watch! I DEMAND YOU!

**Mei Fire: **I didn't update...for a loooong time.

* * *

As it turned out, Edward did nothing to repay Sarah. _Instead_, Sarah _forced_ him to let Kami and her watch the Battle Assesment. Hooray for italics!

"How did I even let them watch the assesment again?" Edward grumbled. Alphonse manage to catch what his older sibling said and replied, "Brother, remember, uh, Sarah I think, chased you around the library. She threatened you with her alchemy..." Alphonse stuttered.

Apparently, the poor suit of armor was still nervous about eavsedropping on the two girls. And alchemy weilded by a moron like Sarah.

The little guy didn't notice his younger sibling stutter, and was in 'Mister grumbles-a-lot-cause-I'm-an-emo' mode. The twosome walked to their dorms. Little did they know that almost half of the personel heared about the Battle Assesment...

---

"Full Metal's gonna win for sure!" Falman exclaimed. "He's a child prodigy, and the Hero of the People, also!"

Breda scoffed at Falman's statement. "Please, if anyone's going to win this Battle Assesment, it's gotta be the Flame!" Havoc nodded as he lit a cigarette in his mouth. "Yep. Haven't you heared of him? He's pratically a hero from the Ishbal Rebellion!" Fuery gently petted a small black and white puppy as he listened into the conversation.

"I wonder what's an assesment..." He said aloud. Havoc turned to Feury as he huffed out some spoke. "A Battle Assesment is pratically like a mock battle. Two alchemists duke out to show their abilities. What I'm surprised is," He toyed with his cigarrette,"that Edward suggested the assesment."

Fuery looked at Havoc with surprise. "H-he did?" Riza Hawkeye straightned a few piles of paper, not looking back. "The plan is if the Full Metal wins, then Colonel Mustang has to keep a kitten," The sharpshooter said calmly. Fuery looked down to the puppy, which barked cutely. Fuery sighed. "Seems that asking Roy to keep this little buddy is out of the question..."

The door that lead to the office swung open, and all of the personel's eyes turned to see none other than the Flame Alchemist himself. Roy just casually walked in and spotted (dun dun DUUN!) the little puppy in Cain Fuery's arms. Roy walked up to him, making the soldier hesitate a little bit. Then in one swift motion, Roy swiped the canine from his grasp and held it up to eye level. The Colonel's dark coal gaze startled the puppy. "Dog, huh?" He paused for a moment, and made a smile.

"I LOVE dogs!"Fuery smiled, relieved from all his hesitation. "Y-you really mean it?" He said happily.

Roy turned and looked at the soldier with a weird stare, making Cain uneasy. "But of course!" Roy said. "Dogs embody loyalty and trust!" He stopped staring at Cain and focused onto the dog, shaking it a little. "Be a jerk to them and they don't bother fighting back! They don't complain about not getting paychecks!" He started to get creepier by the second by doing a sin-song voice, with the pup in one hand. "Oh Canine dogs, how we salute thee! Ah HA HA HA HA!"

Cain backed away, obviously nervous from Colonel's reaction and sudden modswing to silent and casual to sing-songy and jolly. AHHH, FREAK ALERT! Ah...Ahem...Idon'tlikeRoycougharghdie.

---

"Don't you ever wonder why we didn't get kicked out of this area yet?"

As Sarah and Kami walked in the hallway, the blonde stared at her brunette pal for a second. "Uh..." Sarah strained her own brain to think of some logical answer. Her mind kept reeling for a good one. She shut her eyes, rolled up her fist, and acted as if she was dopey.

"Bob's invention?" Sarah exclaimed. Kami sighed. "You never cease to actually amaze me..." She grumbled.

"Aw, thanks!" Sarah smiled. She skipped along in the hallway, without a care if any of the personel were staring at here. Kami smacked herself on her forehead and mumbled:

"Why do I always get the retarded people?"

---

The authoress snapped at her own writting. "Hey, you're not the only one, you know!" She paused for a second. "Actually, it only applies to my family...Oh well."

---

Sarah and Kami...Wow, that sounds corny. Screw it, let's just go with Sarah and Kami. Anyway, the brunette followed her friend, slightly disturbed about Sarah's happy-go-lucky-mood-swing attitude. Go figure, she's always weird.

"Battle assesment, assesment..." Sarah sang to herself. "Why are you so excited about some assesment that I don't even know what the hell it is?!"

Sarah turned and faced Kami, who stared back. "What?" Kami snapped. The blonde walked up face-to-face with Kami, and then...

She lightly patted Kami on the head.

"Kamira Della Waltwell," Sarah shook her head sadly as she continued to pat Kami on the head. "Don't you know how much I love the kick-major-ass scenes in this show?" Kami thought for a moment, slightly annoyed while Sarah patted her on her head. "No..." She said. "Aaaand do you know what that means?"

"Still no..." Kami scowled as Sarah patted her head faster. "It means..." Sarah stopped patting, leaving her hand relaxing on the brown haired girl. "This is my only effing chance to see the totally awsome and favorite scenes when Edward either kicks butt or when his butt gets kicked," Sarah smiled. She waved a finger in front of Kami, winking. "Get what I mean?"

"Like I said. **_No_**," Kami said, irritated. She swiped Sarah's hand off of her head. Kami stormed off ahead of Sarah, who stared off into the hallway. The blonde yelled back:

"Do you even know where the _living hell _you're heading for?!"

* * *

Wow. That is all I can give to from my absence, sadly. (dodges a boulder) WHOA,WATCH IT MAN! (ducks under a table as a truck gets flung in the air) 


	9. One Peaceful Walk

**Mei Fire: **HOLY SNAP! I got one review even after I didn't update for a year! LOOOOOOOOOOVE!

I have decided...Things will change. I will no longer use the OCs I requested from the authors (which don't even read this anymore. MORE LOVE!) since I am a lazy butt and I'm irresposible for my stories. YOUR AWSOME OCS ARE NOT WORTHY UNDER MY CONTROL!

* * *

"UGH! That...KAMI!" Sarah stormed in the hallways, literally stomping every time her feet hit the ground. Making earthquake stomps? No, more like a "I'm-One-Pissed-Off-Blond-And-If-You-Get-In-My-Way-I-Will-Not-Hesitate-To-Stomp-On-Your-HEAD!" stomp. Yes yes...Shudder at the thought of encountering her.

"I'll beat her, and strangle her, and effing torture her to death until she can see the flames of hell!" She yelled. A scared soldier stared at her, obviously frightened. Sarah stared back, except throwing one of her deadliest glares.

Yes, she's shooting daggers. With her eyes! Wow...You know that...I'm joking...Right?

"YES, THE FLAMES OF HELL!" She yelled murderously. In a flash, the soldier ran like a scared little boy that just "found" a boogie man under his bed. Sarah did not waste time to do a double-take at the soldier. She continued to storm down the hallways, and screeched. "THE FLAMES! SHE'LL SEE 'EM! SHE SHALL PAY FOR DITCHING ME!"

And yeah, she continued her "I'm-One-Pissed-Off-Blond-And-If-You-Get-In-My-Way-I-Will-Not-Hesitate-To-Stomp-On-Your-HEAD!" stride. Except two times more deadlier.

---

"That...BITCH! I AM NOT SOME RETARDED LITTLE PUPPY YOU PET ON THE HEAD UNTIL IT GETS SEIZURES...or...WHATEVER!" Kami yelled in the hallways. She did a similar walk in what Sarah was doing. Yes, stomping and yelling. More like a "I'm-One-Pissed-Off-Brunette-And-I-Will-Not-Hesitate-To-Drop-Kick-Your-BACK!" walk.

Ahh, what a peaceful walk it was.

The same fearful soldier that has encountered the pissed off blond was scurrying along the hallways. Unfortunatlly for _him_, he was spotted by another pissed off female. Except she was a brunette. And that would be Kami.

But that doesn't make any difference, right? I mean, they're both pissed off girls.

The frightful soldier chewed on his cigarette. Seeing another angry female? He must of been having a really bad day to even eat one of those cigs...

"What in the effing hell are you looking at?" Kami said, murderously. The soldier automatically ran off. "I REALLY SUCK WHEN IT COMES TO GIRLS!" He yelled, scared.

"ARGH!" And with that, Kami continued with her psycopathic walk.

Just imagine Sarah and Kami meeting up in this condition.

And that soldier. Wasn't he chewing on a cig? Oh yeah...That would be Havoc, and he's got one goal in his mind:

Report to Colonel Mustang about the two girls walking around HQ without permission.

-----

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'LL HAVE TO THINK WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT! Though I think you know what will happen...CHAOS!

-Mei Fire


	10. A fight and a stupid confession

**MeiFire: **OMFUG, I'M SO SORRY...

**My Crappy Excuse: **Laziness, drowned into addiction with MapleStory (kick ASS MMORPG!), more laziness...and school. Yep yep, but mainly laziness. Sue me. (or don't. Seriously..Don't)

**WARNING, AW SHIZ!: **Crappy fight scene ahead. You've been warned...

**Disclaimer: **The song "I'd do Anything" by _Simple Plan _belongs to them! THEM, THEM, THEM! (starts pointing fingers). The song will play a small role...

---

Yeah, the two girls are still storming and scaring soldiers. You can just imagine what would happen if they collided to each other...

--

"Colonel Mustang!" Havoc bombarded into the office, disturbing the pyro's work...If he's doing any work that is.

--

Kami did a double-take as she heared someone storming right behind her. She turned around to face he psychopathic Sarah.

Kami glared, "You..."

"Ew, it's _you_," Sarah sneered back.

"You...I.Hate.You."

"Oh joy, that's new," Sarah said in a sarcastic manner. "What else? You have PMS?"

Sarah just snapped, cut, and danced on Kami's very last remaining good nerve. The brunette gave out a battle cry and tackled Sarah to the floor, who was laughing her ass off (that psycho...). "Looks like old Kami is the ticked liddo kiddie, aren't you?" Sarah wasn't gonna let Kami's childish manner piss herself off. Sarah shoved Kami off with her might.

"You're lucky I'm controlling my temptation of using my alchemy on you!"

"Good, cause," Kami did a headbutt at Sarah's stomach, "you're an easier target that way!"

--

Fortunatly, there wasn't a pyro in sight. Instead, it was Lieutenant Hawkeye keeping an eye out in the office, along with Alphone. God only knows why Al is there.

"Wh-where's Colonel Mustang?" Havoc panicked.

"He's out at the parade grounds for the battle assesment," Riza had a questioned look and asked, "What's with the nervous tone?"

"There's two girls in the HQ, and none of them are military personel!"

Al, hearing this, quickly tried to defend the two psychos. "Don't worry, there with big brother and I."

Havoc calmed down a bit by this news. "Okay, but keep them in the dorms or somewhere. I have a feeling they might cause---"

SLAM! "SARAAH!" A female screeched right outside the office.

BLAM! CRASH! "Catch me if you can, poophead! AHAHAHAHA!" Another laughed heartily.

"---A commotion..." Havoc finished. Al and Havoc's faced paled as more crashes and girl shrills were heared.

--

Never underestimate the power of anime. Why did I say that? Well, Kami just got out a big piko piko hammer (you know, from Amy Rose? The hammer belongs to Sega, not me...I THINK Sega made it...) and started slamming it everywhere, trying to squish Sarah like a pancake.

Alphonse, Riza, and Havoc both barged out of the office and looked at the scene with horror. Kami did another mighty swing and slammed the hammer at Sarah's head. Unfortunatly for Kami, the hammer was actually made of cheap rubber, which was fortunate for Sarah.

"DAMN IT!" Kami yelled and tossed the hammer away. She tried to do one final headbutt (yeah, it's her signature move. Kill me), but Alphonse managed to restrain her.

"DAMNITDAMNITDAMNITDAMNIT! I HATE YOU SARAH!"

"WELL I HATE YOU TOO!" Sarah countered.

"I HOPE YOU BURN IN THE FIREY DEPTHS OF HELL!"

"I HOPE...WELL.." Sarah thought for a second and spat out, "I HOPE MUFFINS RAPE CUPCAKES!"

o.O

The authoress walks by and looks at the scene. She shakes her head. "Tsk tsk, writers these days..."

But then the authoress got bricked for bardging into the story. The fans cheered!

Sarah got quiet for a moment and just stood there. She slowly sat onto the floor and curled into the feeble position and her eyes started twitching like mad. "T-t-tomorrow's...Pumpkin Murder day...Ahahaha!" Alphonse got really creeped out, and let go of Kami. "She takes medication for this, you know," Kami explained, though it was actually a lie, but Sarah acted like it was really true. She shot upfrom her feedle position and grabbed Kami by the collar of her shirt.

"OBOE SHOES, KAMI! OBOE SHOES!" Sarah then bursted into tears of joy or sorrow, I dunno. I just felt like showing that in.

Several hordes of angry fans start bricking the authoress like mad because she's being a complete moron like she is. She gets angry then throws an H bomb at them.

---

Okay, sorry to say this, but none of this never happened...except the stuff before Sarah yelps out "I HOPE MUFFINS RAPE CUPCAKES!"

I'm sorry, I'll replace it with a more serious and boring---(gets bricked) OH FINE, I'LL TELL THEM THE TRUTH! Gawd...

The authoress rubs the sore bruise on her head as she presses the "pause" button on her remote control. "You see people, I haven't been updating very much---"

"Like we didn't know THAT," an angry fan rolled her eyes. The authoress coughed. "---but I've been focusing on a MapleStory---"

"Maple addict..." Another person scoffed.

"---FANFIC...So...Uh...I don't know how to break it to you guys, but I'm only gonna update on this if I'm in pure bordem. There WAS going to be some sort of epic and cliched story line for this, but I've lost my writing spirit. NO, IT'S NOT YOU, REVIEWERS! IT'S ME! (Ew, it sounds like we're going on a date...WTF? -throws up-)...And there are other issues like stuff in the family. I know, it's summer break, but...Yeah, you can remove this from your favorite and alert if you don't wanna endure another long year waiting for me to update."

"Also...Eh heh...I'mnotabigFMAfananymore!"

"OH MY GOD, DID YOU JUST **HEAR** HER?!"

"SHE DOESN'T LIKE FMA ANYMORE, GAH!"

"GET HER!"

(Insert an angry mob of FMA fans destroying the fic and chasing a VERY scared authoress)

"ACK! I'M---" Dodges a pitchfork,"---VERY---" Dodges a cow, "---SORRY!" Dodges a meteor.

I assure you, this isn't the only idiotic and random story. GO OUT THERE AND HUNT DOWN SOME INSANITY!

---

Oh Gawd, what have I just done?

-MeiFire


End file.
